Right now, I”m sitting here at 5pm on a Saturday evening, cuddled up with a blanket and our little dog, drinking coffee with a Hallmark movie on in the background. Rocky is sleeping up in the window and J is just waking from a snooze in the chair next to me after spending all afternoon reffing a basketball tournament. What you don’t hear right now is the sound of 2 little girls giggling, fighting, whining, or chatting.
Mama took a much needed self care day and Grandma is keeping the girls so J and I can go to a Johnny Cash and June Carter tribute band tonight. I love my girls something fierce, but I also live for these moments of silence to relax, reconnect and rejuvenate the energy it takes to care for two toddlers 2 and under.
I’ve been having a rough time the last couple of days. The emotions around waiting for TPR to be filed for M and going through the adoption home study process is getting to me. Nothing is a sure thing until the TPR happens and the adoption is finalized. Thinking about life without M in our family and the damage it would do to her and Bella (not to mention J and I and the rest of our families) feels like a crushing weight on my chest and it gets worse with each passing day and week that we wait for things to get rolling. We thought TPR was going to be filed before Thanksgiving with the hearings before Christmas and here we sit, still waiting. She’ll be 16 months in a couple of weeks and she’s been with us since she was 2 days old. It’s harder than you can imagine unless you’ve been here. We have a home visit with M’s social worker on the 24th so hopefully we’ll get some answers then and we have our 2nd meeting with the adoption social worker on the 25th.
Updates on the girls:
Bella is doing great for the most part. Her language is really starting to come fast. Her favorite sentence is “I do it!”. She repeats almost everything we say and although I still have trouble understanding what she wants sometimes and she still resorts to whining and tantrums more than I would like, we’re working on it. I’m taking a 6 week class on Tuesday nights called Love and Logic and it’s all about using natural or logical consequences as often as we can but doing it with empathy instead of frustration or anger. I still yell more than I’d like but it’s getting better and I feel like last week was a much better week than we’ve had in awhile as far as her listening a little better and me yelling a little less. Yes, I do yell at my beautiful blessing and then I feel a shit ton of guilt for doing it so I’m excited about this new method. She has her last gymnastics class of the session on Wednesday evening, but we’re signing her right up for the next session so there won’t be a break in weeks for her. She doesn’t always stay with the group but she loves doing the bars and her favorite part is jumping on the trampoline and going in the foam block pit at the end of class. One of our friends bought the girls a balance beam that sits on the floor for Christmas so she practices on that. She’s got her colors down pat and her favorite color is purple. We’re working on shapes and counting things with her now. She is still a climber and a complete spitfire. Her lack of weight gain is a little concerning. Dr. G wants to see her again in March to check her weight instead of waiting until she’s 3. She’s not much of a eater and when she does, except or fruit, she rarely wants healthy things. We can get her to eat string cheese and eggs once in awhile. Dr. G suggested smoothies with greek yogurt but she doesn’t like them and I’ve tried them with the young living protein powder too and she’s still not a huge fan. I’ve also tried pedicure and she wants nothing to do with those. We’ll see what March brings. Did I mention in a past post that Bella is in a big girl bed now? I think I did but not sure. It happened quite by accident and she was doing great but now she comes into our room pretty much every night and most times, we just pull her into bed with us. Once in awhile if it’s really early in the night, I’ll try to put her back into her room.
M is doing great. She’s a fantastic sleep and eater and when we went into urgent care for all of us one weekend, she was 4 oz heavier then Bells. She says a few words, mama, dada, uh oh, no no, and baby are her big ones. She’s a very speedy crawler, has stairs down pat, and will walk along furniture and behind toys meant to help with walking but she refuses to stand on her own for more than a second or two and absolutely refuses to try taking a step on her own. She’s got this machine gun like laugh and she thinks it is hilarious to stand by herself so I feel like she knocks herself down with the vibration of her laugh. She may not walk yet, but like Bella, she’s a climber. I had to rearrange the furniture in the living room because she was using the couch to climb on the kitchen counter but then would try to slide off the counter on her belly to the floor like she does from chairs and she’s just not that tall, lol.
Both girls are obsessed with baby shark and will sing and do the actions to it. Bella even does it in her sleep sometimes. She’s starting to know the words to other songs too and watching her sing Skidamarinky doo is the cutest thing ever.
J is doing well too. He has just over a month left of coaching to do and then he’s finally done until September. I’m so thankful he doesn’t coach a spring sport.
I hope everyone is doing well, and I’m trying to squeeze in reading blog posts when I can because people are having babies and I didn’t even know they were pregnant which puts me a good 9 months behind on reading!
Lots of Love~Dawn