It’s nothing like the movies…

I’ve always had a bad feeling that I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant.  However, never did I expect to be getting shots to increase my chances of an IUI working.  My RE did not want me to go to clomid.  Something about it messing with lining and apparently mine isn’t great enough that it can take the chance of being messed with (surprise, surprise).  So cd 3-7 we did letrozole at 7.5mg and cd 7-9 is 100iu’s of follistim.  We did the first injection yesterday afternoon.  It wasn’t too bad.  We read the instructions, talked to the nurse, and watched a youtube video before we actually got around to doing it.  DH gave me the shot.  I could probably do it myself but he seemed to want to do it.  I think because it makes him feel more a part of things.  It didn’t hurt going in, but a couple minutes after, it started to hurt.  Luckily, it didn’t last too long.  This week is National Infertility A.  Even though I thought I’d have a hard time getting pregnant, I never realized what it would actually entail.  I didn’t realize the science behind it.  I didn’t realize how difficult it is and now that I do know, it amazes me that all these people “accidentally” get pregnant.  It amazes me that my own Sister got pregnant with her 5th child while having an IUD in.  I thought infertility would be more like the movies where the single woman decided she wants to get pregnant, does an IUI and boom, she’s pregnant.  Was I ever wrong!!  Of course, they’re not infertile, they just haven’t found the right mate.   The dr. appts, the tests, the meds, the injections, the pain both physical and emotional, the financial side of it and we haven’t even moved onto IVF or Adoption yet.  Children are already expensive, but us infertiles have to spend a fortune just to get that child to begin with.   And then there is the guilt…oh boy is there guilt.  What if I would have had a better diet?  Exercised more?  What if I had stayed a virgin until I met my husband?   What if?  What if?  What if?  Most days I don’t let myself get bogged down with the What if?’s.   But some days, I can’t help myself.   And I still haven’t gotten control of my diet…I love sugar and carbs, I do not love veggies.  I love caffeine.  I finally managed to get away from my coffee every morning this last week, but I still have had 1 soda almost every day.  I have a love/hate relationship with exercise.  I will say one thing about infertility…it teaches you how strong you are, how resilient you can be.   I’ thankful that has only brought my husband and I closer and has not torn us apart.  It’s taught me to have more faith in God then I have ever had before.  And it’s taught me patience…something I don’t have a ton of.  I pray that by this time next year…we are all either holding our miracles or are carrying them in utero.  Thank you to all of you out there that understand exactly what I go through.  I don’t wish this on anyone, but it’s nice to know that there are others who understand.

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