Guilt…It’s a nasty thing.

Alright Ladies…I’m feeling a bit like a horrible person this week.  Here’s the backstory:

J and I have a roommate, we’ll just call her E.  She’s 24 yrs old and moved in with us the middle of January.  She has a room down in our basement plus her own living space for the most part.  When she moved in on a Saturday, she had a job and a boyfriend, by midmorning that next Monday she’d been fired and her boyfriend broke up with her.  She also lost her Mom at 19 yrs old and had been in a relationship for 4 yrs (prior to the bf that broke up with her right after she moved in) that was very controlling and from what it sounds like, at the very least, emotionally abusive, not sure if it got physical or not.  She also has a pretty bad speech impediment.  All her family except for one uncle lives in OH and she hasn’t seen them in years.  Needless to say, she’s had a rough at least 5 years if not a rough life in general.  J and I tried to be as friendly and helpful as we could.  

Luckily, she got a new job right away and started working evenings a week later.  That was a good thing for us because we were going to have to start setting some rules about hanging out upstairs all the time because we were not getting any alone time and we’re still in newlywed mode for the most part.  🙂  From there she briefly dated a couple of guys and then started dating this guy Joe she met on  He’s 36 yrs old so she thought he might be more mature but really I think he’s just afraid of commitment.  More than once she’s come home crying because he says he wants in space (mind you, 3 days after she met him she didn’t come home for 2 weeks except to get ready for work in the afternoons, so I can see why he said that).  The last time was over 4th of July.  She briefly took our advice to just go out and have fun with friends instead of trying to be with him all the time or waiting for him to call but as soon as he says “jump”, she says “how high” despite many talks with her.

I feel horrible but now most of the time, I just get annoyed with her.  And then I feel horribly guilty because I know her life isn’t easy.  She asks advice but doesn’t take it, she makes it very obvious when she’s eavesdropping (which she always does, so we need to be careful what conversations we have around her) and now for the last few weeks she’s been complaining of stomach pain and thinks she might be pregnant!!!

Ladies, the other night, I almost blew up and I know J at least noticed.  They kept talking about it as I’m sitting there reading.  Now, she hasn’t even actually missed her period yet and she took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  Plus she went to the Dr. and they did a blood test and that was negative.  I really think that she’s just making herself sick from all the stress she puts on herself because of this bf.  I finally just said, in an irritated way I’m sure, that if she hasn’t even missed her period yet then what she’s feeling is more than likely not pregnancy symptoms.  Again, I feel horrible and guilty but she is well aware of our fertility problems so to sit here and keep talking about it is a little on the rude side.

I don’t know what I will do if she is indeed pregnant.  I don’t know that I can handle living with her at that point.  Am I crazy to feel this way or am I really just being a selfish bitch?  I don’t know and I hope to God that she isn’t and I won’t have to worry about it any further.  She really is not in any kind of position to be able to take care of a baby right now anyways.  But aren’t they the people that always manage to get pregnant so easily?!  

Sorry about the rambling vent but really just needed to get it off my chest.  We’ve got about another week left of this natural 2ww.  I did up with mid cycle cramps but they started a little later than usual and weren’t as bad as last month’s were.  Hope you all are well!



2 thoughts on “Guilt…It’s a nasty thing.

  1. You definitely have ever right to be feeling everything you feel. I would be highly annoyed at her for going on the way she is, especially knowing what you are going through. If she asks for advice and then doesn’t take it, stop giving her advice. I know it’s easier said than done, but one statement I have found that works pretty well for those that seek but don’t respond is: “I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

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