It’s not often that I post twice in one day…heck…sometimes my life seems so boring I don’t post twice in a week or 3, lol. However, earlier in the week…I did a post on dreams (you can read about it here) and told you that I’d address the first one I had in a post today.
Why today you may ask? Today is the 4th Anniversary of my Dad’s passing. I was a Daddy’s Girl. My Dad was Blessed with 3 daughters. My oldest Sister is from my Mom’s 1st marriage and my Dad adopted her when they got married. My middle Sister is my Dad’s daughter from his 1st marriage and then there’s me (who he wanted to be a boy). My middle Sister did not live with us and from like 4th or 5th grade on we only saw her at Christmas and a few weeks in the summer because she lived in Duluth, MN and we were in central WI. My oldest Sister and my Dad were just 2 completely different personalities so that left me to be his buddy. When I was little, my Dad suffered from a lot of PTSD symptoms from doing 2 tours in Vietnam. I don’t remember much of it but by the time he really started to get involved in our lives, Krishna was in HS and Becky had moved away so I got all of the attention. We would go fishing together, we’d cheer on the Packers together, he was my Hero.
My parent’s did end up divorcing when I was 20 and he remarried again. We weren’t as close as I would have liked us to be during some of those years with his new wife. I moved back home for what ended up being the last 2 years of his life and I am so grateful that I did. Although we didn’t see each other all the time, I did get to spend his last 2 Father’s Days with him and his Birthdays and Christmas.
I have only dreamed about him twice since he passed…the first time was shortly after it happened and I dreamt he died in my arms in the house I grew up in. Needless to say, I woke up very upset but the other night, I dreamt that I heard him say “Hello Daughter” (like he always used to) and I looked up and saw him across the street. I ran over to him crying and gave him a big hug and when I looked up, it was one of his Best Friend’s and he said that Dad had sent him to give me that message. It was weird but comforting at the same time and I woke up so happy.
Other than the first year he was gone, when you have to endure all those first times without him, this has been by far my hardest year yet. I think the 2nd year I was still in denial and angry. The 3rd year, I was busy planning my wedding (although the day itself was hard without him) and being a newlywed. And I was still angry…there was a lot of unresolved anger about my parent’s divorce that hit me when I found out some things my Mom had never told me before about what actually happened. And now I just miss him, I miss him so, so much. We got a fishing boat this summer, the kind like he used to have, and I think that’s whats making it extra difficult. He would be so happy to be out there with us and he would have loved fishing with J. I wish so much that J could’ve met him. J contacted me on Match.com a couple months after Dad passed so I like to think he went up there and helped God pick J out for me. Daddy…you are forever loved and never forgotten!!!