Let It go

On my way to my Mom’s this morning (30 minute car ride), this came into my head.  What I don’t know, is whether I put it there or God put it there.  And can I really do it?  Can I let go?  I have a cartridge of follistim sitting in my fridge.  I was bawling when my last cycle was cancelled was due to cysts (you can read about it here if you missed that post).  Can I/we really just “let it go”?  We’ve only done 1 IUI since my laparoscopy.  Shouldn’t we give it one more shot at least?  I don’t know, I honestly don’t know.

I turned the music off in the car and I prayed.  I asked God to give us a clear cut sign…ok, I specifically asked for Him to come to both J and I in a dream on the same night and tell us what our next step should be.  I’m not good at deciphering, I need neon signs in my face.  Will I get that?  Again, I don’t know, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask.

My spotting was full flow by this morning.  I knew it would be.  I called the clinic and talked to the nurse.  She wanted to know if we wanted to start another injectable cycle and come in for an ultrasound.  I want an ultrasound because I want to know what’s going on with the cysts.  First I said we’d take the cycle off.  She suggested BCP’s to help my ovaries quiet down but I really don’t want to go on them again.  In the end, I ended up scheduling an appt for an u/s on Monday.  She said I can always call and cancel if we decide not to go through with a cycle.  I was at my Mom’s when they called and I haven’t had any chance to talk it over with J yet.

3 of my 4 babies had pretty major runny noses and colds this week and of course I started feeling it last night.  I should have been putting Thieves on my feet all week long but most of the time, I don’t get sick from what the kids have so I didn’t.  And, I’m actually not sure if it’s a cold or fall allergies.  Tonight I’m feeling a little pain in my right ovary so I’m wondering if that cyst is getting ready to burst.  I’m horrible about remembering to do stuff (like rub my oils on) when I’m not in actual pain.  Does anyone else have a hard time forming habits?  I am TERRIBLE at it.  My brain just forgets stuff like that, like all the time!

So yeah, that’s where I am…knowing a whole lot of nothing.  It was beautiful here today so J’s been outside working his butt off all day while I was incredibly lazy and laid in bed from the time I got home from our daycare play date until just a little bit ago.  When he gets back from the car wash and comes in for the night we’ll have to have a conversation about everything.  I’m sure he’ll be thrilled!

Hope everyone is having a Beautiful weekend!



6 thoughts on “Let It go

  1. Hoping you get your answer sugars :). But like I always say, it’s okay to hold off and not move forward if you are not sure yet. The devil always wants to make us feel rushed and pressured while The Lord always works in peace. I am praying that you hear Him when He speaks and you get those neon signs 😉 xo

  2. I am horrible at forming any habits. It’s just too damn hard and life isn’t as predictable as saying I am going to do this on this day at this time. I really hope that you get the all clear on Monday and don’t even have to sit out until your ovaries decide to behave.

  3. Pingback: See What I Mean? | OurGreatestDesire

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