Okay Peeps…I need some help because I am what some would call….technologically challenged. I know some of you also have your blogs though Bloglovin’, but I can’t figure out how to do it. I follow a few non IF ladies over there and would like to have my blog easily visible to them through that site. Also, how do you do these link ups? I can’t figure it out and I’d like to participate in this Write or Die Wednesday that one of the ladies I follow does. If you have any advice or tips for me…I would definitely appreciate it!
Thank you and Lots of Love~Dawn
Truth: I’m a little (possibly a lot) envious of all you who are going through IVF or preparing to go through it.
It’s not that I necessarily want to pump my body full of hormones or go through all that IVF entails, but that I want that chance to experience pregnancy and because of finances (and age), I’m not getting that chance. And lately, that has really been bothering me.
I mean, come on, infertility sucks enough as is, but when we get the few choices we have taken away because of money, it just sucks even more. I know, I know, I’m preaching to the choir here.
Anyways, I don’t know why exactly it’s been on mind so much. Maybe it’s because so many of you that I follow are either pregnant as a result of IVF, in the middle of IVF or gearing up for IVF. Maybe it’s because one month from today is supposed to be my due date and it’s starting to hit me (the box full of similac samples welcoming me to the sisterhood of motherhood that showed up in the mail yesterday really didn’t help). I really don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard now.
I’m excited for adoption, I am. I think that I’m just finally starting to mourn the fact that I may never get to be pregnant. I’ve started researching embryo adoption a bit, but who am I kidding, right now, it’s not even close to feasible. We’re dealing with the stupid car, I have 1 full time daycare kid for Fall and few part timers and no prospects right now for more. I am really starting to worry and get scared and trying really hard not to show it to J because he is the money worrier and I need to be strong and help him to keep Faith that God will provide.
Faith, I just need to keep the Faith.
So I just finished washing and cutting up all this:
The great thing about only having one daycare kiddo this summer is that I can take him to the store with me! So off we went to Aldi’s this morning to do some grocery shopping. After I put him down for a nap, I got busy washing and cutting up the fruits and veggies. They are all stored in glass containers now that I know how horrible plastic is. I feel absolute guilt over having plastic daycare toys, but unfortunately, I just can’t afford to replace those right now.
I’ve also been doing something active each day. Sunday, J and I did stretching and a leg workout together. Yesterday morning, I got up and did w1/d1 of c25k. I was only able to do the jogging part for the first half of it and then had to switch to all walking, but I will try again tomorrow. Unfortunately, my legs just don’t like me anymore. I used to be able to run 5k’s (slowly) but now, whether it’s walking or jogging some part of my lower leg hurts. I can’t walk long before my calves really hurt and jogging hurts my shins. I’m hoping, the more I do it, the better it will get, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the fibro. Today, I walked for 30 minutes right after I put the little one down for his nap. I switched up speed and incline within that 30 minutes.
Car update: We’re trying to find a refurbished motor, but so far, no such luck. Well, let me take that back. I think he found 1 but it’s $1600 and has 120,000 miles on it. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us financially, but I know it’s really weighing on J. I just keep looking him in the eyes and telling him it’s okay, just have Faith. Somehow, someway, God always brings us through it.
A huge Thank You to “The Sky and Back” for sharing what Dr. Bravermen told her about things to help with endometriosis. I’ve got lots of thinking and researching to do.
You guys, have I told you lately that I love you? For real. Your comments on my last post were just beyond. Not to mention my friends in real life that reached out to me as well. Thank you everyone. A million times over.
Last Tuesday I had my Skype consult with Dr. Braverman and found out the results of my immune testing. Basically, all the findings were consistent with endometriosis. This is pretty good news overall – there’s nothing else more sinister lurking on the sidelines.
Warning: I’m about to get very long-winded and detailed. I want to share as much as possible in case I can help anyone on the interwebs searching for information.
What the testing found:
I am genetically predisposed to endometriosis (duh at this point), Grave’s disease, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, Antiphospholipid Syndrome (this one is no surprise either), Celiac, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis
This does not mean I have any of…
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As J was on his way to yet another funeral (his Great-Aunt this time), the convertible died a 3rd time (Thank God we got Triple A after the first incident). This time, it’s dead and gone. It would need a whole new engine, not to mention the exhaust and rear brakes need to be fixed. Problem is, there’s no way we can get out from under the damn thing. I have no idea what we’re going to do. We’ve listed it on craigslist and eBay as basically, a mechanic’s special, but we’re not going to get close to what we owe on it. We bought it last year for $5200, it’s on the same loan as our truck and we owe just under $10,000 for both. Fantastic news when I still haven’t gotten anymore daycare kids for fall. 😦
Truth: I’ve let my relationship with God go lately.
I don’t know what happened. I still have absolute Faith in God so it’s not that, but I’ve let our relationship die lately. I haven’t really been praying all that much. I haven’t been in His word and we haven’t been going to Church. We haven’t even been watching the sermons from home like we were during the winter.
J and I constantly say we’re going to start doing our devotions again each night, but then we never do. Part of it is summer. We’re up late and completely beat by the time we go to bed. Part of it was that we weren’t going to bed at the same time before that which is when we always used to do it. Part of it is that we are just not being disciplined enough and letting other things be our first priority instead of God.
I hate having to admit that.
We need to get back on track. Our lives are better and our marriage is better when we’re keeping Him our number 1 priority.
Bonus Truth: AF showed up cd22….WTH?!!!!