Truth: I’m a little (possibly a lot) envious of all you who are going through IVF or preparing to go through it.
It’s not that I necessarily want to pump my body full of hormones or go through all that IVF entails, but that I want that chance to experience pregnancy and because of finances (and age), I’m not getting that chance. And lately, that has really been bothering me.
I mean, come on, infertility sucks enough as is, but when we get the few choices we have taken away because of money, it just sucks even more. I know, I know, I’m preaching to the choir here.
Anyways, I don’t know why exactly it’s been on mind so much. Maybe it’s because so many of you that I follow are either pregnant as a result of IVF, in the middle of IVF or gearing up for IVF. Maybe it’s because one month from today is supposed to be my due date and it’s starting to hit me (the box full of similac samples welcoming me to the sisterhood of motherhood that showed up in the mail yesterday really didn’t help). I really don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard now.
I’m excited for adoption, I am. I think that I’m just finally starting to mourn the fact that I may never get to be pregnant. I’ve started researching embryo adoption a bit, but who am I kidding, right now, it’s not even close to feasible. We’re dealing with the stupid car, I have 1 full time daycare kid for Fall and few part timers and no prospects right now for more. I am really starting to worry and get scared and trying really hard not to show it to J because he is the money worrier and I need to be strong and help him to keep Faith that God will provide.
Faith, I just need to keep the Faith.