4 Years Ago

4 years ago, yesterday, J and I headed off to Door County, WI.  If you have never been, I highly encourage you to go…it’s Amazing!  We were there for pretty much the last weekend of the season, some places were already shut down for winter, but there was still plenty to do and the leaves…oh my…the leaves were just gorgeous.IMG_0606  On the porch outside our room.

We spent the weekend sipping wine, tasting infused olive oils, shopping, eating and hiking.  There’s this wonderful place there that you can do just about any kind of art you can imagine.  We weren’t there long enough to be able to do a project, but one of these days, we’ll go back and do that.  The days were the perfect Fall temperature and the sunsets were gorgeous.

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Our room had a huge tub in it and also a fireplace and this is where our ttc journey began.  It’s hard to believe that it’s been 4 years.  I’ve always known in my heart, since I started having problems as a teenager (which we now know was the endometriosis beginning) that getting pregnant wasn’t going to be easy.  Not to mention, I wasn’t exactly careful with my live in boyfriend from CT.  I was on the pill, but I missed days, I didn’t always take it at the same time, and we definitely didn’t use a different source of protection when I was on antibiotics.  So, we started this journey a year ahead of getting married.  We weren’t even engaged, but we were both sure that we had finally found our person.

I look at these pics and we were so happy and carefree (and thin, lol).  Sometimes,  I really miss who we were before this journey started.

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Just Feel Like Writing

Things didn’t go as planned this week.  You would think with infertility, I’d totally be used to that.

It was supposed to be a nice, easy week.  The screamer was no longer in my care.  Tuesday should have therefore been a much easier day and Thursday I would just have my 1 full time kiddo. We were going to be able to go out and do something and not have to be at home.  It was going to be wonderful.

Not so much.  On Tuesday, Dad forgot to put the sleep sack for Baby C in the diaper bag.  I actually only put her arms in it, not her whole body because she moves her legs so much that they get stuck and it wakes her up.  I didn’t think it would be a big deal.  Guess what?!  BIG DEAL!!!!  She would not sleep.  She usually naps from 9-11am and then again from 1ish to 3 or 4.  She slept for about an hour the whole day. On top of that, she was pretty much spitting up everything she drank and cried all morning and most of the afternoon after her 25 minute nap she took.  So much for an easy day.

Wednesday was a little better.  I had the sleep sack but she still only did an hour in the morning which is tough because of my schedule with the older kids.  And she kept way more of her bottle down (Yay!).  So I’m almost done for the day.  I’m super excited for Thursday and just having J-man and I get a text from my Friday family asking if she can bring the kids on Thursday instead.  Whomp!  Face palm…are you kidding me?!  Needless to say, Thursday was not the fun, out of the house day I had planned.  We were here, stuck at home.  And she decided to bring them today also which was fine because I have a different little one in the mornings on Friday so I wasn’t going to be able to leave anyways and I won’t have them next week because they are going on a trip and I will also be in CT, so at least I made up the money I would have missed out on.

So yeah, things did not go as planned.  You’d think I’d be used to it, but sometimes, I would just like the little things to go as planned for once! 🙂

Have a great weekend, Friends!

Lots of Love~Dawn

Hurts So Good

No, not the John Mellencamp song (although it is now running through my head), but my body.  I’m feeling muscles that I have not used in a very long time.  And they are all sore.  Monday night was my first night back in a gym.  I did 15 minutes of elliptical before I couldn’t take my numb feet anymore.  Then I headed over to a few different leg machines and did 3 sets on each.  I did between 10-15 reps and between 25-40lbs. depending on the machine.  I then went into the group class room and did a tutorial video on spinning.  Tuesday morning, my legs were a tiny bit sore, but not much.

Tuesday evening, I went in for a pilates class.  Oh my gosh…all the muscles!!!  I was definitely dripping sweat by the end of it.  I did realize I need a thicker mat (which luckily the gym has) because just a yoga mat on the hardwood is very hard on my fibromyalgia filled body.  My butt and hips especially feel like one big bruise so when those points have extra pressure on them from the different moves, it didn’t feel so great.  Pilates is every Tuesday/Thursday at 6pm.  I can’t go tonight (Family Promise meeting) or next Thursday (leaving for CT…YAY!!!).  But I will definitely go back again on Tuesday.  I’m going to try and go tonight before my meeting to at least get some activity in.  I might try to fit a hydromassage in also.

Food is still my hard part.  I did pick carrots and hummus for a snack over junk food on Monday and I got all my water in on Monday and Tuesday.  Wednesday was a fail around, but I did finally get chicken cooked up and shredded so I can make some healthier lunches.  I haven’t stayed within my daily points a single day yet and I’m pretty sure if I would’ve finished tracking yesterday, all my weekly points will be gone also.  Lunch continues to be my biggest problem because by the time I get the kids down for naps and can eat, I’m starving and just want something delicious that feels filling to me and that never includes health stuff.

A couple other things that have happened that I can’t remember if I told you about:

  1.  I have an appt. with a Naturopath on Nov. 16th.  Hopefully this will just help me on my journey of a happier/healthier me.  What I love is that she also used Young Living oils/products.
  2.   We have a phone consult with CNY Fertility out in New York on November 3rd at 6:30am.  This also happens to be our 3 yr Anniversary and I have my Fitness Consultation that night with the trainer at the gym so it is going to be a full day.
  3.   I am so proud of my husband and I know this is going to completely give away our identity and location but I must share this news clip with you.  http://www.news8000.com/sports/West-Salem-helps-teammate-with-special-needs-tackle-dream/35954128

Hopefully that link will work.

Have a great weekend!

Lots of Love~Dawn

Weekend Update 10/16-10/18

Hooo…what a weekend!

It was homecoming in my hometown this weekend and also my 20 year class reunion (I have no idea how that happened!!!  I can’t be that old!).

Friday night, we headed to my hometown for the football game.  I knew some classmates were going to be there and I also wanted to see my niece perform at half time (she takes after her Auntie and is on dance team).  It was pretty chilly out so we made sure to have our winter gear with us.  We stopped by the mexican restaurant when we got to town and grabbed some dinner first and ran into some friends so it was nice to do a super quick catch up with them.  We got to the game and bundled up.  Saw a few classmates, sat next to some of them and couldn’t for the life of me remember what one of their names was.  I’m usually pretty good at remembering things from long ago…oops!  My Sister made it there right before half time so we watch B perform and then stayed through the 3rd quarter before heading home.  We did win…Go Timberwolves! 🙂

Saturday morning, I had plans to meet the manager of the new gym that opened in WS at 9am.  J got up early to go hunting and comes in the room to let me know the truck was dead and ask to take my car.  Needless to say, even though he said he’d make sure he was back by 10am, I didn’t get to the gym til about 11am.  I am so glad I made it there though.  Holy Buckets…Ladies, the technology in this gym is just insane!!!  When I’m on a cardio machine, I can make it seem like I’m doing a course through New Zealand or a number of other places.  Or I can listen to my music, watch tv or bring up a number of other apps.  And the elliptical was so quiet compared to my super squeaky one at home.  They have those battle ropes that you always see on “Biggest Loser” and I’ve always wanted to try.  You can scan the code on all the weight machines and it’ll give you a tutorial on how to use it and then you can input what you did to track all your calories you’ve burned.  They have a room for group classes but if you can’t make it for the classes they have, there’s a touch screen computer with all sorts of different kinds of classes (kickboxing, zumba, step, etc.) and you just tap what you want and a screen comes down in the room and plays the class for you.  So cool!  There is also tanning and a hydromassage bed which I think will be fantastic to help with my fibromyalgia.  Needless to say, I signed up right there and added tanning/hydromassage to my package.  For just over $2/day for the gym/tanning/massage, I think it’s totally worth it.  And if J decides he wants to join, we can add him for $29/mo.  Oh and I get a fitness consultation with their trainer and 2 free training sessions with him.  🙂

After the gym, I hit the bank, returned some stuff to Shopko and made a trip to Kohl’s trying to figure out what I was going to wear to the reunion.  I didn’t like anything I tried on but I did grab a belt, a bra, 2 pairs of boots with the wide calf (because mine are huge and it’s so hard to find boots that will fit around them) and a new pair of sneakers to only use at the gym.  I had part of a gift card left from my birthday and a 30% off coupon so I got all that for just under $85.  Total win IMO!

I headed home and started getting ready for the reunion about 4pm.  I’m going to admit, I was totally worried and feeling really self conscious for this reunion.  I normally love them and am super excited and I still was excited to see everyone, but I’ve gain 40lbs since the last one and just wasn’t feeling my best self at all.  Luckily, everyone was totally sweet and kind as always.  I only took one pic with classmates with my phone and I look huge in it, but I did get a cute one of J and I.  It was fantastic seeing everyone.  We talked about adoption a lot and because so many people know about it because of FB, almost everyone asked how it was going.  Our class president has also been through miscarriages and had sent me a private message awhile back just offering her support and I know of at least two other classmates there that went through IVF.  A few people I hadn’t seen since graduation and others for at least a decade so it was so nice catching up and everyone just gets along now and talks to everyone else.  It’s awesome.  We headed out to a couple bars after but headed home around 1:30 I think.  When I said goodbye to W (our class prez), she just put her forehead against mine and said “Happy October.  I know it doesn’t feel like it but it will get better and you are going to make such a great Mom when you get your baby.  I hope they come to you soon.”  It was so sweet, Ladies.  I just said back that I hope she does to and she said that she was okay if it doesn’t happen.  I think she’s found her way to being at peace with a childfree life.  I’m proud of her.  And the funny thing is, when we were in 6th grade, we were twins.  Our reading teacher couldn’t tell us apart because we looked similar and had the exact same glasses so the fact that we also share this bond, is a little weird.  Anyways, it was a fabulous night, I had 2 glasses of wine and 4 mixed drinks and although I didn’t feel drunk by any means, I was definitely feeling it yesterday with a headache and a little queasiness when I woke up from my afternoon nap.  I was completely unproductive but totally okay with it, lol.

20 year class reunion

20 year class reunion

Sunday pretty much consisted of trying to catch up your blogs (haven’t gotten there yet, going out to breakfast with J, taking a 2 hour nap, watching the Pack at my Mom’s (6-0 Baby), and Oola class.  Got home, watched an episode of “Scandal” with J and went back to bed.

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Always have to use my Packer Superbowl coffee mug on game days!

Oh, and a quick update on my little one that spent his days screaming.  His last day was on Thursday so this week should be much more peaceful.  I hope they find great care for him that works with whatever needs my daycare was unable to meet for him.

Have a great week!

Lots of Love~Dawn

Lovin’ My Job

Ladies, if you’ve been following my blog for the last year or so, you know how miserable I was in my job last year.  To the point that I was seriously trying to figure out what else I can do with my life that would bring in the same kind of money.  Then I lost all but one of my kiddos in June and I was devastated!  Turns out, as much as I miss those kiddos, it was a blessing in disguise.

This school year is going so much better!  At this time, I only have 1 full time kid and all the rest are part timers and it is the best thing ever!  If I have a rough day with a kiddo, I only have one day left with them that week or I have a break for from them for 4-6 days.  However, the rough days are few and far between.    

I have had one 8mo old the last few weeks that I had to tell his parents I just don’t think it’s going to work out.  This is his 3rd week with me and he only comes Tues and Thurs, but except for when he’s sleeping, he’s almost always crying.  And I’m not talking whimpering or quiet crying, I’m talking screaming!  They told me he’s sensitive to loud noises, which I totally get.  I hate loud noises myself (like major phobia of guns, balloons, fireworks and cracking thunder), but everything and absolutely nothing sets this kid off and once he starts, putting him down for a nap is about the only thing that gets him to stop.    Don’t quote me, but J and I both think there’s some sensory issues going on.  He doesn’t like texture in his baby food either.  Anyways, I feel bad that he’s miserable most of the day and it also takes away from the other kids so his last day is going to be today.  Here are some of the cuties I get to enjoy each week:

   
Playing nicely together.  This doesn’t always happen, lol.

 
My bookworms!

  
This little cutie gives me my baby fix 2-3 days a week!  

Also, one of my awesome daycare Moms brought me my first PSL from Starbucks this morning.  It was delicious.  This same Mom also made us amazing chicken enchiladas when I had my surgery last month.  I’m Blessed!

  

CT…Here I Come!!!

In just over 2 weeks, I am heading to CT for a long weekend.  I was talking to my Bestie who I haven’t seen for well over a year now and even when we do see each other, it’s only for a few hours.  I seriously don’t remember the last time we had good quality time together.  So anyways, there’s no school on Oct. 30th which means I also have off so I decided to look up flights for the heck of it thinking they’d be super expensive.  I found one for just over $300.  So I checked with my Mom to see if she could sub for me that Thursday and then I got ready to convince J to let me go.  I asked when he was home for lunch, and he actually said “yes” within a couple of minutes.  I thought for sure it’d take way longer than that, lol.

I’m guessing he knows, that deep down, I need a few days away.  I NEED some T time and I miss my CT family so much…and the food.  So, I leave mid morning on the 29th and will arrive at LGA at about 6:30pm.  I’ll have Friday and Saturday to hang and then I have to leave first thing Sunday morning.  I am seriously beyond excited about this.

CT…Here I come!!!

Weekend Recap 10/09 – 10/11

Guys…this weekend just was not one of those great weekends.  I’m in a major funk lately and it’s kind of been coming to a head for awhile now.

Friday night, we went to J’s Cousin’s football game.  Their hs team has been undefeated this season and even though his cousin is actually on JV, he almost always gets to play by 4th quarter because they’ve just been blowing every team out of the water.  J’s other cousin who lives about an hour away from us also came with his family to watch.  You’ve heard me mention his wife before on here.  She’s the one that is just so sweet and always knows the right thing to say when it comes to our journey.  We normally talk every week but since school started, we haven’t been talking as much.  She’s been busy and I’ve well, been in my adoption wait funk.  So, it was good to see them and their girls and catch up.

Saturday, J played in a golf tournament for his friend that passed away around this time last year.  He was the first one in our long line of funerals this past year.  😦  He was gone pretty much all day so I headed to the bank and to get my oil changed.  I finally got the “Thank You” cards written to all the people that bought squares on the Packer board my friend did for us (at least the ones that gave us checks anyways so I had their addresses).  I put the deposit in the bank and he ended up raising $2575 for us.  That is just amazing and so humbling when you think about it.  We have about $5000 more to come up with and we will have all the money we need when we get placed.  I still need to apply for a few grants and hopefully, that’s where the rest of the money will come from.  I ended up having to wait for 3 hours to get my oil changed.  Luckily, I brought a stack of magazines I needed to catch up on.  Other than that, I caught up on “The Mindy Project” so now I have to wait each week for a new episode.  J started cleaning the garage Saturday night so I sat out there and talked with him for awhile.  And then came the absolute worst day of the weekend.  😦

Ladies, Sunday was just awful.  I got up and really wanted to make it back to Church (finally), the Packers were playing at noon and it was going to be 80 degrees out so J wanted to get the yard and everything that needed to be winterized.  He also wanted to go out on the boat one last time.  Pretty much none of that happened.  So, it started out with my just having a body image break down.  We were putting our clothes away and I had a wipes box full of bras and swimming suits that don’t fit me. My chest has gotten so big and the bones underneath are so tender that I can no longer wear bras with underwire in them because it is so, so painful.  So I have few wire free bras that I wear and need to get rid of the rest because they’re either too small or have underwires.  I just started bawling.  I hate my boobs.  I hate how big they are, I hate how painful it is and I hate that I can’t wear underwires anymore because that’s what holds them up the best.  What I hate the most is that my boobs getting even more huge and saggier didn’t even result from having a baby.  😦  Cue in my poor (but wonderful) husband trying to make me feel better.  So, I calm down and it’s now too late to make it to Church so I went and made homemade taco seasoning (here’s the link to the recipe if anyone wants it).  We use a lot of taco seasoning around here so I decided to try out making my own instead of the packets full of chemicals.  Hopefully it will be spicy enough.  I made a creamy burrito casserole yesterday using it but I also use refried beans with green chiles in it so not sure yet if I got the taco seasoning just right.  So, we’re working on projects and going in and out of the house through the garage and patio door to the back yard bringing stuff in for the winter and around 11:30, J asks if I’ve seen Bandit.  He goes in and out and hasn’t escaped the fence in a long time because we thought we finally had it all tiny puppy proofed.  At first, we just figured he went to take a nap.  He likes to nestle into J’s clothes and when that pup is out, a freight train could go by and he’d sleep through it.  We started looking all over the yard, house and basement and we couldn’t find him anywhere.  J went out and started driving around the neighborhood calling for him, when our neighbor’s got home, they went out and started looking for him, it was awful.  I put it on FB and in a couple of more local buy/sell sites and that is how we found him (Thank you, God, so much).  We were out hanging up posters about 5pm (I think) and we were at Kwik Trip when we got the call.  We live right next to all the schools and a guy on the street perpendicular to us found him in the elementary school parking lot chasing a squirrel.  He called him and Bandit went right to him.  The girls that live in the house next door to him took care of him for us all afternoon until somebody in one of those houses saw my post on the buy/sell site and they called us.  I have never felt so relieved.  I spent all afternoon crying and worrying about him and J did his best to stay strong even though he was just as upset.  He said he didn’t realize just how much he loved the little guy until we couldn’t find him.  What we think happened is that we have a wood pile that goes to the top of the back fence that lines up with the elementary school parking lot.  We think he climbed the wood pile and jumped down onto the other side which is just crazy because it’s 5 ft high, but that little guy is completely fearless.  Needless to say, we are overjoyed to have our little guy back in the house where he belongs.  So yeah, that was pretty much my weekend.  It sucked, I’m glad it’s over although I could use another day off to actually get things done and catch up on the sleep that I missed last night even though Bandit was home safe.

Have a great week!

Lots of Love~Dawn