Body Image

Our perceptions of our bodies is an interesting thing.

Up until I moved to CT, I really didn’t think too much about my body.  I ate what I wanted.  I didn’t work out.  I was pretty darn happy.  This continued for quite awhile in CT.  At some point, my lack of working out and eating whatever I wanted caught up to me.  What I hated most was my thighs.  The weight always went directly to my thighs.

I hit my 30’s and I had to take working out more seriously.  I started trying to be good with food but inevitably, it wouldn’t last long.  But still, as long as I was working out, I could slim down the bump in my tummy pretty quickly.

That brings us to this year.  I am heavy.  I am 5’1 and almost 170lbs.  I was at Pilates class on Thursday night and I looked in the mirror and I didn’t even recognize myself.  How sad is that?  My arms weren’t toned at all.  My boobs are huge and sagging, even in a sports bra.  My stomach has the biggest pooch ever and my thighs are their usual hugeness.  To add to that, I hate my calves!  They’re huge and it’s almost impossible to find boots that will fit around them (unfortunately, there’s no changing that…J says it’s because I have slow twitch fibers).

I’m uncomfortable in my own skin and I hate it.  It’s going to take a lot of work to get back to where I’m happy with what I see and how I feel.  Fibromyalgia makes it difficult.  I can strength train, but finding a cardio routine that works for me is proving a little more difficult.  Yet today, I went to the gym and burned 700 calories and I’m really proud of that.  I’m proud of myself for getting up and moving more than I was.  I’m excited to see changes but know that it’s going to be hard because it’s not going to be instant gratification and I REALLY like instant gratification.

I look back and old pictures and hate that I wasted time thinking I was fat, because I didn’t even realize how big I could actually get.

10 thoughts on “Body Image

  1. Oh! I’ve been there… I thought I was so fat, and I’m even bigger now. I wish I would have taken the time to appreciate the body I had back then instead of giving up. Now I have even more work to do to even get back to the weight I was that I used to think was fat.

  2. I understand your frustration! Last week the scale gave me an ugly # I hadn’t seen in years which was even higher than the weight I delivered Mackenzie at last year. I went back to what worked for me. Starting out 3 days with no carbs (eggs, lettuce, lean protein and veggies low on the glycemic index. Did that Thursday, Friday and today. Already down 9# as of this morning, curious to see how much more tomorrow.

    If you’re interested in knowing, after 3 days it’s just clean eating with limited carbs (30 per meal, 15 per snack). A nurse practicioner told me about this and every time I’ve done it I’ve had success losing weight. She also just advised to walk and not work out too much in the beginning.

    It sounds like you’re on the right track though with your eating (saw your fb pic earlier) and going to the gym. Keep at it and I know you’ll see results! 🙂

  3. Don’t look back…be who you are today-you are a woman working hard to be healthy. Believe me, I know how hard it is. I could have written this post too 🙂 congrats on your tough workout but be kind to yourself too.

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