Final Decision

I let the SW know this morning that we don’t feel that we are a good fit for M.  I feel bad because every child deserves a loving home.

Unfortunately, she just didn’t fit in with us for several reasons.

  1. L didn’t warm up to her at all throughout the weekend and that’s unusual for her.
  2. J and I, unfortunately didn’t really warm up to her either.  When we first met L, we felt bonded to her by the end of the night and that just didn’t happen with M.
  3. She’s 11 yrs old, but in some ways, even less mature than L and yet, she still wanted to try and mother her which didn’t go over so well.
  4. When school starts again and J is coaching, I am not going to have the time to meet both hers and L’s needs.
  5. We have no idea what’s going to happen when L’s BM gives birth.  We don’t know if the baby will stay with her or if we’ll get a call and we don’t know how L is going to react because she NEVER talks about it.
  6. Ultimately, L is our first priority and she just didn’t seem comfortable.  On top of that, L has made so much progress on her behavior and we felt that M’s behavior may cause L to go backwards.  Plus, because of some things in M’s background, we couldn’t really let them just play on their own without listening in and making sure nothing inappropriate was being said and honestly, it’s exhausting.

So, while I think J and I both feel bad that we’re not giving M the same loving home we have given L, I really think it’s best for all involved.


14 thoughts on “Final Decision

  1. I’ve recently started looking into fostering and the one thing the people I’ve talked with have all said is that as foster parents YOU have to make the decision that is best for your family and not all kids will be the right fit. And having the confidence to say this is a hard but also a tremendous step to being successful.
    Interestingly I’ve also been told that you should make sure your first child is the oldest to help them be more okay with new children in the home. I’m just curious was M older then L?

    • Yes! And I think that was part of the problem, but only because she didn’t act older than L but still tries to have that bossiness with her. We do think L would do better with someone close to her age to play with or younger because she Loves helping with the daycare kids.

  2. I think you always have to consider the needs of your existing child first. So I don’t think you should beat yourself up about it. It sounds like M might do better in a home where she is an only and can have more specific attention.

  3. Glad you were able to trial it out with M before saying yes/no. I think you’ve made the right decision for your family and I hope things are continuing to go well with L.

  4. Of course you feel like you want to help them all, but you’re doing the right thing, thinking it out and making the decision rationally. If it’s not a good fit, nobody will be in a good situation, including you and J.

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