What To Do When You Overdid

Last Thursday I was 4 weeks into my 6 week recovery.  I’ve read about other people starting to workout again at this point so I thought, I should at least be able to clean my house.  Let’s just say, Dr. G wasn’t kidding when he said no working out, no cleaning, no repetitive arm movements and no heavy lifting.  It started Wednesday morning with finally packing up all of L’s stuff.  She’d been refusing to stay over night here and it just didn’t make sense to have all her stuff here when she wasn’t even using it so I finally packed it all up and carried it out to my SUV so it wouldn’t be in the way in the house.  Probably not the best idea, but nothing was more than 25lbs and I didn’t feel bad at the end of the day.  By the way, they came to pick some of the stuff up Wednesday afternoon and she finally decided she wanted to spend the night!  More on that later though.

The weekend before, a friend of mine has asked if I could watch her baby all day this past Friday and then one of my dc parents texted so see if I could watch her 2 kiddos for half a day also on Friday.  I figured if I’m already taking 1, I might as well watch a couple of more.  However, my Mom hadn’t been here to clean for over a week and J is so busy with lawn mowing that the house was destroyed with dog fur and all things that a 5 lb puppy finds to chew on.  I figured it’s been 4 weeks, it’s just putting away clutter, vacuuming and mopping, it’ll be fine.  Let me tell you, no, no it will not be fine.  Friday morning I woke up hurting more than I have since the first week or so after surgery.  By the time J got home from summer school at noon I was in tears with pain.  Holding the baby against me hurt so badly and the incisions around my nipples which the day before, you couldn’t even see, were now a red ring around my nipples.  I was never so glad to be done with a day of work and my Mommy was quite upset with for overdoing it instead of asking her to come and help.

Since then, I have tried to rest as much as possible but IT IS SO HARD!!!!  I didn’t realize how much it would drive me crazy to not be able to clean my house.  The pain has lessened but the red ring is still there and yesterday it kept feeling like my nipples were on fire, which could also totally be part of the nerves re-attaching.

To make matters worse (well, maybe not worse, but definitely not better either) AF showed her ugly face yesterday.  Now, on one hand, I’m happy about this.  I didn’t tell you guys this because there really wasn’t much to tell, but this last cycle was 54 days long.  Now anyone that has been following me for a while knows that my problem tends to be shorter cycles, not longer ones.  I did have very minor spotting (like only on the toilet paper) shortly before my surgery and right when it could’ve been implantation bleeding, but we’d barely been intimate that month and even though I knew it was almost definitely to early, I did take a hpt the morning of surgery and told God if I was actually pregnant, he better give me the sign early.  It was negative.  CD 28 came and went and finally on CD 30 or 31, I took another test, stark white again, I proceeded to take a couple more over the next week or so and still, stark white but no period.  I finally called the RE and they said to take another one in the morning and if it was still negative, they’d give me medication to start my cycle.  Well, the last think J and I wanted was for more meds to be in my system so I just held off and she finally showed up yesterday.

Other than overdoing it on house work, things have been pretty quiet here.  I continue to spend my time working on Family Promise and Young Living and I’ve watched a whole lot of TV.  I made it through Gilmore Girls (for the umpteenth time, even J is starting to recognize all the episodes, lol) and The Fosters (so good if you’ve never seen it).  Now I need to find a new one to start or start reading all these books I have surrounding me.  We are still hoping to go to CT in August and will begin Whole 30 when we get back.  Yes, J has agreed to do it with me.  He is also interviewing for the middle school athletic director job next week and we just found out that a ms/hs health/PE position has opened up over the river in MN that I’m trying to get him to apply for.  MN’s Governor is pro teacher and education unlike WI’s horrid Governor.

I am ready to be back in full working order so that I can start going to the gym again and getting the house back in order for daycare to start at the end of August.  Hoping and Praying this is my last year of it and I will be able to fully contribute to our finances with just my YL salary after this school year.  On the plus side, and I may have mentioned this already, all of my kiddos are part time this year and it’s working out that I will Fridays off which is AWESOME!!!

I love my dc kiddos so much, but Young Living helps me really be able to live my passions which are 1.) Teaching people about all the toxins/chemicals in our home and how there are products out there that are so much better for our families.  2.) To become a full time Foster Mama without having to try and figure out daycare along with it. and 3.)  Being able to go out and mentor those going through infertility, adoption and fostering.  Those are the things that I want to be spending my time on and I’m lucky to be part of a fun and fantastic team of people that support and educate me in those dreams.  🙂

I hope you’re all doing well!  If you haven’t yet, please go and also follow me at livingtheoilylifeblog.wordpress.com.  I’ve only managed a couple of posts on there but hope to get a new one up tonight!

Lots of Love~Dawn

Disappearing Act

So, I suck…I’m sorry I dropped the news bomb of the failed adoption and then disappeared for the most part.  I’ve just been trying to either completely immerse myself in Gilmore Girls so that I don’t have to think or I’ve been working on Family Promise or my Young Living business.

My current goal for my Young Living business (besides helping people change their lives) is to be able to not worry about getting new daycare kids next school year if any of my current leave after this school year.  Our goal for Family Promise is to open January 1st!  We have a lot to do before then but we finally seem to have a team that’s willing to work hard to get it done in the next 5 months.  Lots of exciting stuff happening (including having Fridays off this year!!!).

What else?  J and I are working on our relationship.  It’s been a bit of a rough summer with me being in recovery and everything that went down.  We deal with it in very different ways and not always in healthy ways.  We’re working on better communication, spending time together and just getting back to being us.

Last Tuesday, I went to dinner with some girlfriends from my old church.  We used to get together every couple months for dinner when I lived in my hometown, but since I’ve moved, it’s been much less frequent.  In fact, I think it’s been close to 2 years since we’ve met up for dinner.  In all honestly, I should have begged off this time too.  Two of them have children and the 3rd is 34 weeks.  I was already a little hurt going in because I didn’t get an invite to her baby shower.  This is the woman that was with me when I got the news that my Dad had passed away and we ran our small group for youth group together.  Although they were very sympathetic to what we’ve been going through, most of the conversation revolved around their children, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.  Most of the time, I can handle that kind of thing like a champ, but in this case, it was just too soon after the failed adoption and my soul just ached by the end of dinner.  Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be putting myself in that position again anytime soon.

Well, J wants me to be ready in a couple minutes to go show me something so I better get going.  Please head over to my new blog and follow me there too!  I’ll be doing a new post on this book that some of my team members have been raving about  (hopefully it’ll happen tonight yet)!  🙂

Sending you all lots of love!

~Dawn

The Need to Keep Busy

So, I’ve figured out what I’m going to do with myself to keep busy now that life has taken a drastic turn once again.

I’ve started another blog!  If you followed me for awhile now, you know that I have a passion for the company Young Living and how it’s opened my eyes to a chemical free home and taking very few pharmaceutical drugs now.  My new blog is going to be about this passion sharing about my journey to health/wellness.  I’ll research a product every week or two and share the information with you.   I’ll be sharing my Whole 30 journey that I’m about to start there and as soon as I can work out again, I’ll be sharing my results with that too.

If you could please click here to follow me, I would so appreciate.  My first post is already up and ready to read!  Thanks, Friends!

From the Bottom of my Heart…

Thank you!  I cannot begin to tell you how much your words of love and support and prayers and virtual hugs meant to me.  I know I haven’t responded to each comment individually yet, I’m sorry about that, but I just needed to step away for a couple days and try very hard not to think about it too much (ok, so this was just about impossible).

Here’s what we know after getting an email and then also speaking with our caseworker.  As of Thursday, baby girl had not been born yet.  We thought maybe it had happened on Tuesday and that’s why she changed her mind.  Also, it was stated that if BM changes her mind again and goes back to the adoption plan, she still wants us to be the adoptive parents.  The caseworker said that she tells us that not to get our hopes up, but because she will then need to contact us to see if we still want that.  I still don’t understand what happened.  She was so sure and had been planning adoption from the beginning but I just hope and pray that if she gets the baby home and really can’t handle it, she will contact LSS.  We are trying very hard to keep faith in God and His plan.

I started packing up all the stuff that was donated to us when Baby R came and giving it back to all of my sweet friends.  Some stuff was just bought for us and I’m not sure what to do with that.  I also have a ton of returns to make for stuff that was bought (like the nursery decor that is specifically for a girl).  I just kind of want it all of the house so I don’t have to look at it anymore.

The hardest part has been not being able to sink myself into a physical, mind numbing project to get through this.  I can’t work on anything in the house, I can’t work out, I’m just stuck here with my thoughts.  I’ve been trying to put my mind to use on Family Promise and Young Living stuff, but it’s hard.  I just want to physically exhaust myself and I can’t do that for another 4 weeks and even then, I have to start out slow since I’m sure I’ll have lost all the muscles I managed to build before surgery, lol.

So, what’s next?  We asked to be put right back into the book.  She said we could wait if we wanted to see for sure what BM ends up doing or to grieve, but I told her no thanks.  I doubt someone else will pick us before BM has baby and figures it out (and I’m not holding my breath on her changing her mind) and we can grieve while we’re waiting.

As far as how my recovery has been going,  I had my 2 week follow up appt yesterday.  Everything is healing nicely but it is still possible to have fluid build up and bleeding so I’m still completely restricted of exercising, heavy lifting, and any cleaning (because of repetitive arm movement) for another 4 weeks.  I never though it would be so annoying to not be able to clean, but it totally is.  My Mom has come up the last couple of weeks to do the main rooms for me.  I think J is a little annoyed that I’m having her do that but he does so much other stuff around here already plus has his mowing business.  I have graduated to being able to wear any wireless bra I want (which, I kind of was already doing because sorry, but there’s not a whole lot of clothing options besides baggy t-shirts with that surgical bra) and I can now go braless at night (Woohoo) which I totally wasn’t expecting.  The 2 hardest things about this surgery have been wearing a bra 24/7 and having to sleep on my back.  Other than that, I would say that this has been an easier recovery than my laparoscopy’s.  Especially the first one.  I was expecting to have all this trouble lifting my arms from what I had read on others blogs and the different forums and I’ve been able to do that since day 1.  If I really had to stretch it hurt, but I had no problems washing my hair 24 hours after surgery happened.  I know every one is different, but if you’re thinking about having a breast reduction, I highly recommend it.  Sometimes, they still feel big to me, but then I see myself in different shirts and I can definitely tell the difference.  He did say that they would also continue to get a bit smaller and not to buy any expensive bras until the 6 weeks are up.

J and I decided that for the rest of the summer, unless another adoption situation comes up, we are just going to enjoy being childless again.  We’re not going to take any foster placements until school starts and then we’ll look into it.  I think we’re going to head out to CT in August too.  J hasn’t been out there for a couple years now and I just had a quick weekend out there last October.  We are also starting Whole 30 on Monday.  I had a local friend just finish up her 30 days so she’s going to be my support system.  J is going to follow it too, at least for the meals (I’m not getting his caffeine away from him anytime soon).  I actually have been reading the book this time and have had several a-ha moments.  I’m seriously hoping my fibro and endo pain go way down by the end of the 30 days.  Also, I’m on cd37 which never happens to me.  I’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests and they are all stark white.  I’m going to call Dr. R on Monday to see what she thinks I should do.  With my luck, I actually got pregnant last month and had surgery and ruined it.  Because that’s just my luck.  Or maybe having surgery just through things off but my cycles have been 24 days for the last few months and the one after I tried the bc pill for 2 whole weeks was only 21 days.  More than likely, my body is just totally out of whack but I just want to make sure nothing is missed.

Alright, I suppose.  J’s cousin does this huge all day bbq every summer and it’s today so I better get making the taco dip and start getting ready.  I know I’m going to be dealing with I’m sorry’s and pity looks all day which is totally going to suck.  Especially since we were really hoping we might be bringing baby with us today.

Again, thank you for all your love, support, and prayers!  I will say it over and over…I don’t know how I’d get through this without you Ladies!!!

Love you all~Dawn

We Got A Call This Morning.

Birth Mom has changed her mind and decided she wants to try to parent.

Every time I think amazing things are happening, they get taken away.  I thought L and R were placed elsewhere to make things easier for when this baby arrived, and now she’s not arriving.

I don’t know what to do with myself and all these emotions.  I can’t even throw myself into a physical, mind numbing project because I’m on restrictions for another 4 weeks.

I just don’t know what to do.

Ultrasound, Recovery, and Insomnia, Oh My!

I’m sorry if I’ve kept anyone in suspense by this it taking a couple days to get this post out.
First up, Tuesday morning, we headed out to meet up with our Birth Mom (who from now on will be known as “K”) for her ultrasound and midwife appt. The ultrasound was amazing! There were tears seeing our baby girl for the first time and the most tears definitely came when we heard her heartbeat. They even printed a few pics for us. They aren’t very good because she’s quite big (estimated to be 8.4lbs at this time) so they couldn’t get a whole lot of her in one photo. After the ultrasound, we were introduced to her midwife. She pretty much just asked how she was feeling and they went over her choices for birth. She wants to do a water birth and does not want to be induced so I sure hope this baby decides to make an appearance sooner rather than later!


Baby girl hiding behind her arm!
After her appts., she went and picked her son up from daycare and we headed to lunch at Red Robin and they met us there. M is a little firecracker that is full of energy. After lunch, we followed her to her place and she showed up her gardens and J hung up some blinds for her. Then we went outside for awhile and J played with M for quite a bit until you could tell that K was ready for a nap. We gave her big hugs and headed out. After the day, we are probably 98% sure she won’t be changing her mind. Unfortunately, there’s still BD that we are worried about.
Now for BR recovery. It hasn’t been as bad as I was expecting. A lot of the tips and things I read said that I wouldn’t be able to lift my arms and to keep things at hip level and I really have had no problems with that. I can lift my arms all the way up to my head to wash my hair without any problem and have been able to since I had the surgery. If I have to stretch my hand all the way up to grab something, then I feel a pull. I also have no trouble reaching behind my to scratch my back or anything. The bra is uncomfortable at times and I mostly just feel really itchy in the chest and incision area. I know this means the incisions are healing, but it is super annoying. I still feel like I’m quite big so I’m really hoping that they’re just swollen and will still go down quite a bit. I got my drains out on Monday and it felt so good to have them gone. I’ve been driving the past couple days and have only taken one dose of tylenol since getting my drains out Monday morning. That was Tuesday night after spending all day on the go for the first time.
The one thing that has been happening frequently is insomnia. Even if I don’t nap during the day or take one fairly early in the day, I’m still laying awake until 5:30-6:30am before falling asleep. It is driving me a bit crazy and I’ve about had it. Luckily, I did sleep fairly well last night. I can’t wait until I’m back in my bed and able to sleep on my stomach and sides again. And I can’t wait to be able to wear a bra without lining in with pads so it’s not so uncomfortable on the incisions. Basically, I just can’t wait to heal up….5 more weeks to go! All in all though, it hasn’t been that painful. Mostly just uncomfortable and annoying. 🙂 I did go out today and purchase some new clothes. If it still didn’t fit me right in the chest area in a small or medium, then I refused to buy it, lol.  
I hope all is well with all of you. All that insomnia did help to finally get all caught up on your blogs though!
Lots of Love~Dawn