Sometimes…

I wish I could just do my work and be done for the day.  Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t involved in so many things that require effort on my part, lol.

That fact that I was supposed to go rummaging with my Mama today for clothes and some baby items for Miss E but it’s been pouring rain all day probably doesn’t help my mood.

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks as daycare started up for the school year.  My Mondays and Thursdays are going to be pretty low-key most of the time, but my Tuesdays and especially my Wednesdays are going to be insane and E isn’t even living here yet.  I’m hoping my Mom will be able to come help on Wednesdays once E is here, but of course, my Sister roped her into doing Wednesday night cafe at church because no members of the church would volunteer to do it.  I love my Sister to death.  She’s my best friend, but the one freaking day a week I could really use my Mom’s help, she ropes her into something that my Mom doesn’t even really want to do but is terrible at saying no.  She gets her help with her 5 kids and everything else she does every other day of the week…sometimes, it’s just frustrating.

We have now had 3 visit with E and I’m going again this afternoon.  Here is what the visitation schedule will tentatively look like that the trauma specialist set up:

Guidelines for transitioning E:  This schedule is a general guideline and is not set in stone.  It can be altered to reflect what best suits E.

 

  • Week 1 :  Dawn and J visit 1x for about an hour at the S home.  E to be held/cared for by K/P.

o   Optional extra visit (K to determine based on E)

  • Week 2:   Dawn and J visit 1x for about an hour at the S home.  E to be held/cared for by K/P.

o   Optional extra visit (K to determine based on E)

  • Week 3:   Dawn and J visit 1x for about an hour at the S home.

o   Dawn or Dawn/J to visit one or two additional times during the afternoon/evening on a non-visit day.  E to be held/cared for by K/P.

  • Week 4:  Dawn and J visit 1x for 1-2 hours at the S home.

o   Dawn visit an additional 2 x for 2 hours or so at the S home.  E to be cared for by K/P.

  • Week 5:  Dawn and J come to the S home for supper.

o   Dawn visit an addition 2-3 times.  Gradual introduction to care giving for E…like a mother’s helper

o   Dawn could runs errands a time or two with k and then ask her to travel along with K to visit family in Black River Falls.

  • Week 6,7 :

o   Dawn and J meet E and K a few times for a “playful time”.  Could be a park or other place.

o   Dawn overnight at the S house 2-3 times assisting with cares 2-3 times and then providing care

 

  • Week 8:   E and K go to the Running  house to play for ½ days

o   First time K provides care then after that Dawn provides cares with K as the assistant

 

Further weeks to be determined as we assess E’s response to transitioning.

I’ll be honest, this sucks!  You have no idea how hard it is to bond with a baby when you don’t get to hold her.  And the time that I have to try and get away to do all these visits isn’t easy.  We don’t totally agree with all of this but we’re keeping our mouths shut at this time and just going along.  I’m kind of hoping that at some point, BM agrees to voluntarily TPR and they move the official placement up because they can’t TPR until E is officially in our home.  I get the attachment and bonding needs to happen, but it’s not going to happen very easily if we can’t hold her for the first 4 weeks and it’s really hard when K is always around.  That’s who she is used to so it’s going to be hard for her to attach to us if they’re there.  When we were initially approached, I thought this was going to look more like, she stayed with us for an hour or so on our own and gradually get longer periods until she eventually stayed all the time.  That seems to me to make more sense.

K and P are super nice though.  K sends me pics and the other day a video of E finally rolling over back to stomach.  She’s officially 9 months old now.  I am going out there on the 16th and 30th also for her Birth to 3 appointments so I can see what that looks like.

Other than that, life is just busy.  J is back to school and coaching while still trying to mow lawns so he’s pretty much never here.  Bow hunting starts on the 18th and then forget about it, I won’t have a husband again until Christmas!  I did let him know that I’m starting to feel like everything but time with me is a priority.  It’s gotten a bit frustrating.  Tomorrow we’re waking up super early to go meet friends at Devil’s Lake, WI to hike.  I’ve been wanting to take J there to hike since we met and we’ve never gotten to do it.  Hopefully this stupid rain will be done and over with.  Sunday we’re doing a Tunnels for Towers 5k here in town.  I’m sure I will walk most of it because I am so out of shape and heavy right now yet I can’t seem to find the motivation to get my ass back to the gym and eat healthier.  I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me right now.  I know the fibro isn’t helping matters at all because I feel like one big bruise and I think that kind of pain along with my back just drains the life out of me some days.

I know I’m not posting often right now, but there’s just not too much going on and our visits aren’t all that exciting anymore.  I can’t wait for the day that I will hopefully get to share photos of Sweet E with you all.

I hope you are all well.  I finally caught up on reading your blogs just before I wrote this post so I will try my best to stay caught up so I’m not commenting a week after the fact, lol.

Lots of Love~Dawn

 

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7 thoughts on “Sometimes…

  1. Obviously I have zero experience here but that plan is a load of bull hockey. What if E loves you guys and wants to be held sooner? Won’t she feel rejected if you don’t? I could see going a few times and just letting her get used to your face and then your care and then spending time alone with you guys but this sounds way over the top! Frustrated for you.

    Also, the husband problems exist here as well. He does hunting and music and is the worship leader at church so…..

  2. That seems really long. I can see how frustrating it would be, but hopefully it will go great and E will get happier and happier to see you. Wishing you all the best. Xx

  3. Dawn, you guys are doing so amazingly well with everything that is going on. While I don’t have first hand experience with anything you are going through, just know that I am always available if you need to chat/vent.

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