I don’t know what the weather is like by the rest of you, but here in Central WI, it NEVER stops raining!!! At least that’s how it feels, lol. So much rain, so many bugs, and so much fast growing grass. This means that J is still having to move like 10 lawns on top of teaching, coaching and now bow hunting and I don’t even like stepping outside because the gnats and mosquitos are so freaking horrible. Luckily, we haven’t had any water in the basement but our neighbors have and one of my daycare parents came in this morning and said it’s just pouring in one of her egress windows. Kind of makes me happy that we didn’t up having the time or money to get one put in this summer. If God hadn’t promised not to kill us all off with a flood again, I would probably be wondering if J needs to quick build us an ark!
Alright, I’m gonna be real with y’all. I’ve been struggling, big time with my health and body issues. J and I did the Tunnels to Towers 5k on Sept. 11th. I knew it was going to be a walk/jog for me before the day even got here, but walking to the park for the starting line, I knew it was going to be worse than that. My back hurt and my legs were already seizing up. We started the race and J took off like he normally does. I walked and then jogged a couple times , we’d probably only gone 4-5 blocks when we got to the corner of the street our house is on. I seriously thought about just walking home. The only thing that stopped me was those 343 firefighters going up those towers when their guts were probably screaming at them to get out. At this point, I could no longer jog and my legs and back were in so much pain. I slowed way down and was getting passed by just about everyone. Toddlers and old men wearing boat shoes. 😦 By the time J finished the race and came back to find me, I was sobbing. I’m not one to get depressed, but in those moments, I was so disappointed in my body and the diseases that are attacking it. When J and I met, I was probably in the best shape I’ve been in since HS and now I struggle with walking 3.1 miles…it’s ridiculous, frustrating, and so annoying!!!
The fibro and endo pain are just getting worse and worse but I don’t want to give into the hysterectomy yet. I still have hopes that we will get that miracle pregnancy at some point and I’m so scared that what I think is endo pain will end up not being that and I’ll take away my ability to by some small miracle have a baby but still have the horrible pain.
Now, some of this is my fault. I know that gluten free diets and just a better diet in general should help both the fibro and endo pain but can I manage to get myself to do that. Nope…junk and processed food has a huge control over me. It’s also proven that 30 minutes of cardio activity a day will help with the fibro pain, but do I make sure I get out and at least stroll for 30 minutes?! Nope, I don’t. Especially with how horrible the bugs are right now. 😦 So, I know part of this feeling like crap is entirely my own fault which means, I really have no right to vent about it, but venting I am. Sorry about that.
On the E front…things are going well. She reaches out to me frequently and FM leaves the room once in awhile to give us a few minutes alone. E even gives me big open mouth kisses once in awhile, lol. I visit her about 3 times a week right now. On Monday, I met them at Dr. for her 9 mo appt. Also there was BM, BD and the parent aid who was L’s parent aid and someone I adore!!! However, it was pretty awkward because BM and BD had no idea who I was because the SW still hasn’t talked to BM about terminating. When FM introduced me to the Dr., she said the J and I are listed as the concurrent goal. When he asked what that meant, she told him in the case of termination, we would adopt E. Whatever the BP’s were feeling, they held it in pretty well but I definitely felt awkward. FM was upset that BM was even allowed at the appt because she’s skipped her visits for the last 3-4 weeks and so she hasn’t seen E in about a month. She told the SW that no one was going to hold E but her and that everyone needed to leave the room for shots. She ended up not needing any and just had to go to the lab to get blood taken so at that point, PA took BP’s home and I waited in the lobby and we grabbed lunch in the hospital restaurant. I’m happy we decided to do that because the Dr. ended up coming down and stopped to chat with us. He doesn’t think BM should be able to get E back so I asked if he’d testify to that and FM asked if he’d tell human services that. I don’t know if he will but FM did end up getting to have a face to face conversation with the SW later on in the day and she told her what the Dr. said. This morning, she texted me and said that BM is meeting with SW tomorrow.
In good news, E is growing as should be. She was a little over 18 lbs and 29 in long. I’ve been picking up clothes at rummage sales and Once Upon A child and her front carrier came in yesterday from Amazon. I ended up getting the “Lillebaby, All Season”. I really, really hope this all turns out like we were told it should and that she is with us by Thanksgiving as planned but as always, with foster care, you just never know!
Alright, I think that’s all the important stuff. I hope you are all well!
Lots of Love~Dawn