The Failings of a Foster Mom

Today, I am feeling like a failure as a Foster Mom.  At this moment, we are out of ideas on how to help T.  Each week that he has been with us has gotten progressively worse instead of better.  He is so very broken from the trauma he has been through and needs intensive therapy and possibly medication to even be able to handle being in a “normal” and stable family.  I am ashamed to say, that as hard as I try, he does get the best of me sometimes and my voice raises and then I feel extremely guilty.  It’s such a fine line of being empathetic to their trauma/situation and holding them accountable for their actions.

School is not going well.  He’s disruptive in every room he’s in, disrespectful and refuses to listen there or at home.  We’ve tried consequences and positivity when we seem him doing/saying good things.  Right now, the social worker is trying to get him in a day treatment center, but if there’s no place for him, I fear what it going to happen.  He thinks everyone gives up on him and I hate the thought that if we can’t get him into an intensive day treatment program, we may have to be one of those people in his eyes.

We so want to see him succeed, but at this point, he won’t even try.  He insists he cannot change.  We hoped, that with time in a loving home where there’s stability and consistency, things would get better, but it seems to be having the opposite effect.

M is thriving.  She’s doing fairly well in school and making friends.  She’s generally a happy/helpful girl.  She can be outright sassy/snotty, especially towards T, but nothing out of the ordinary tween girl.

I don’t know what’s going to happen or what we’re going to do, but we have to put A’s welfare above all else and I don’t want her to be around constant yelling/turmoil.  I think J and I both agree that if they can’t get him into a day treatment program, he may need to go into some kind of inpatient program.  We can’t help someone who refuses to be helped.  😦

Sorry for the vent…hopefully my next post will be a cheerier one.

11 thoughts on “The Failings of a Foster Mom

  1. First of all, you are not failing. You have opened your home and your heart and are doing all that you can. You also know you have other family members to consider. It sucks that this child’s previous life experiences have had this result so far. I hope for his sake something is able to help him going foward but please know if it doesn’t work out with him to stay with you that’s no reflection on the time or effort you have put in so far.

  2. You are not failing – you are an amazing Foster mom with a huge heart. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, it is anything but easy – big hugs X

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