It’s that time of year again when we try get others outside the 1 in 8 to understand just a fraction of what we go through as part of the IF community. Sometimes, it feels like an uphill battle and sometimes, you find someone that you didn’t know was in the trenches with you.
Having Annabelle this year may take a bit of the sting away, but on the other hand, not really. I still haven’t had a successful pregnancy and unless God makes a miracle happen in the next year or so, I never will because I plan on getting this uterus of mine taken out in the next year or two. The endo pain is just becoming too much. Now part of it is my own fault…if I would get off the junk and follow a pretty strict whole 30/paleo type diet, I could probably get some of this pain to leave, but, I pretty much suck at eating healthy, even when the benefits could be tremendous.
Pregnancy announcements can still send me to tears at times. On Easter, my SIL (well, my Sister’s SIL actually, but we’re all really close so I claim her in laws as my own, lol), announced her 4th pregnancy. Her oldest just turned 5 last week. Needless to say, I broke into tears. A few days later, one of J’s best friends called to tell him he wand his wife are pregnant and I felt nothing but joy for them. It’s their first.
The theme this year is “Listen Up” so I guess what I want to say is, adoption doesn’t make it go away. I couldn’t have ordered up a more perfect child. She brings us indescribable joy every single day, multiple times a day. However, I still think about that baby that would be 20 mo old right now. Was it a boy or girl? What would they be like? I still wonder what it would feel like to grow a baby. What kind of pregnancy would I have had? Sometimes, as I look around and see some pretty awful parenting happening around me, I think, really Lord, why me? Why not these people that hurt the children you Blessed them with? I know why though; he needed us available for Annabelle and I wouldn’t change that for the world!
So Friends, keep going forward in whatever way you choose to. Keep trying to fight the good fight in getting more resources available for couples with this disease. Keep your hope alive the best you can and try to enjoy all the little blessings along the way. I know they can be hard to find sometimes.
Sending much love out to a group of women who have enriched my life and made it infinitely better!