Guilt

I, as a woman, wife and mother, seem to fall prey to it far more often than I wish to.  I’m guessing, some (if not all) of you can relate.  Guilt has a way of taking hold of you and just not wanting to let go even when your head has solid reasons for you not to feel guilty.

Here’s just a few of things that have riddled me with guilt these last few months:

  1.  Gaining 40lbs since J and I have been married and not being able to find the willpower and motivation to do something about it.
  2. Not being able to just be a SAHM with Annabelle.  When she needs to be rocked or held, I want to be able to just do that without having to put my focus on other kids.
  3. My hand in our debt.  I’m not thrifty or frugal.  I’m working on this.
  4. Treating my YL business as a hobby instead of a business.  Our debt would’ve gone down by a whole lot more and I would probably be a SAHM by now if I’d just work it the way I need to.
  5. How everything went down with M this summer.  I don’t think I posted it about it because I can’t really give details but let’s just say, the placement ended badly and I have a lot of guilt over it.  My reaction to what happened was probably pretty normal and I shouldn’t have been put in the position I was to begin with, but it doesn’t stop the guilt for what happened.
  6. Last but not least, being asked to take a new foster placement and having to say not right now, which is what I had to do this morning.  There are great reasons why we shouldn’t take it on right now, like our very busy schedules and the age difference…the new placement would be a 9 yr old boy.  Last year, with T and M, A was still a snuggly, sleepy baby.  Now she’s a constantly on the go explorer.  They’re not going to be doing the same types of activities which means J and I would have to split up more and we’re already fighting about lack of time together.  We had to say no for now but if you don’t find another suitable family, we can readdress him coming at Christmas when things slow down a bit.  It sounds like this little man is just starved for attention and love and we want to make sure we’re in the position to give it to him and that’s just not our lives right now.  Guess what though…it doesn’t stop the guilt.

So there you have it…guilt, guilt, guilt.  What have you been feeling guilty about lately?