Guilt

I, as a woman, wife and mother, seem to fall prey to it far more often than I wish to.  I’m guessing, some (if not all) of you can relate.  Guilt has a way of taking hold of you and just not wanting to let go even when your head has solid reasons for you not to feel guilty.

Here’s just a few of things that have riddled me with guilt these last few months:

  1.  Gaining 40lbs since J and I have been married and not being able to find the willpower and motivation to do something about it.
  2. Not being able to just be a SAHM with Annabelle.  When she needs to be rocked or held, I want to be able to just do that without having to put my focus on other kids.
  3. My hand in our debt.  I’m not thrifty or frugal.  I’m working on this.
  4. Treating my YL business as a hobby instead of a business.  Our debt would’ve gone down by a whole lot more and I would probably be a SAHM by now if I’d just work it the way I need to.
  5. How everything went down with M this summer.  I don’t think I posted it about it because I can’t really give details but let’s just say, the placement ended badly and I have a lot of guilt over it.  My reaction to what happened was probably pretty normal and I shouldn’t have been put in the position I was to begin with, but it doesn’t stop the guilt for what happened.
  6. Last but not least, being asked to take a new foster placement and having to say not right now, which is what I had to do this morning.  There are great reasons why we shouldn’t take it on right now, like our very busy schedules and the age difference…the new placement would be a 9 yr old boy.  Last year, with T and M, A was still a snuggly, sleepy baby.  Now she’s a constantly on the go explorer.  They’re not going to be doing the same types of activities which means J and I would have to split up more and we’re already fighting about lack of time together.  We had to say no for now but if you don’t find another suitable family, we can readdress him coming at Christmas when things slow down a bit.  It sounds like this little man is just starved for attention and love and we want to make sure we’re in the position to give it to him and that’s just not our lives right now.  Guess what though…it doesn’t stop the guilt.

So there you have it…guilt, guilt, guilt.  What have you been feeling guilty about lately?

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4 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. Oh my friend, I’m sorry you are struggling with guilt. I too struggle immensely with guilt about everything, even things that I have no influence on.
    I want to add, specifically about not accepting another placement right now, I support that decision. You’ve had a rough few months and you need to put the needs of A, J and yourself at the top of your priority list right now. And I think some family time with just the three of you, is probably the best thing you can do for your family.
    Sending lots of love and wishing you less guilt and more happiness. 🙂

  2. I’ve been saying no to placements left and right! I’m just so overwhelmed, and so many of the calls for placements are for older kids. After our last experience with kids over the age of 4, I don’t think I can handle that right now, especially not with a placement who’s just starting to crawl. But I do feel guilty that there’s so much need and I don’t have the resources to help.

  3. I totally understand the guilt. I agree with the others…you need to focus on you, A and J right now. I understand you’re wanting to help and I commend you for that, but sometimes we just can’t do everything we want to, hence the guilt.

    Here’s my short list at the moment:
    1) not spending enough time with my husband and kids.
    2) not cleaning my house the way it should be done.
    3) letting my husband get up with O in the middle of the night instead of me doing it.
    4) not taking my dog to the lake/pond at all this summer. He loves the water and I feel like a bad dog mom.

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