Disappearing Act

So, I suck…I’m sorry I dropped the news bomb of the failed adoption and then disappeared for the most part.  I’ve just been trying to either completely immerse myself in Gilmore Girls so that I don’t have to think or I’ve been working on Family Promise or my Young Living business.

My current goal for my Young Living business (besides helping people change their lives) is to be able to not worry about getting new daycare kids next school year if any of my current leave after this school year.  Our goal for Family Promise is to open January 1st!  We have a lot to do before then but we finally seem to have a team that’s willing to work hard to get it done in the next 5 months.  Lots of exciting stuff happening (including having Fridays off this year!!!).

What else?  J and I are working on our relationship.  It’s been a bit of a rough summer with me being in recovery and everything that went down.  We deal with it in very different ways and not always in healthy ways.  We’re working on better communication, spending time together and just getting back to being us.

Last Tuesday, I went to dinner with some girlfriends from my old church.  We used to get together every couple months for dinner when I lived in my hometown, but since I’ve moved, it’s been much less frequent.  In fact, I think it’s been close to 2 years since we’ve met up for dinner.  In all honestly, I should have begged off this time too.  Two of them have children and the 3rd is 34 weeks.  I was already a little hurt going in because I didn’t get an invite to her baby shower.  This is the woman that was with me when I got the news that my Dad had passed away and we ran our small group for youth group together.  Although they were very sympathetic to what we’ve been going through, most of the conversation revolved around their children, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.  Most of the time, I can handle that kind of thing like a champ, but in this case, it was just too soon after the failed adoption and my soul just ached by the end of dinner.  Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be putting myself in that position again anytime soon.

Well, J wants me to be ready in a couple minutes to go show me something so I better get going.  Please head over to my new blog and follow me there too!  I’ll be doing a new post on this book that some of my team members have been raving about  (hopefully it’ll happen tonight yet)!  🙂

Sending you all lots of love!

~Dawn

We Got A Call This Morning.

Birth Mom has changed her mind and decided she wants to try to parent.

Every time I think amazing things are happening, they get taken away.  I thought L and R were placed elsewhere to make things easier for when this baby arrived, and now she’s not arriving.

I don’t know what to do with myself and all these emotions.  I can’t even throw myself into a physical, mind numbing project because I’m on restrictions for another 4 weeks.

I just don’t know what to do.

All the Happenings

First off, Thank you for all the prayers and positive vibes that were sent our way!  They are so appreciated.

The meeting went better than we had even hoped.  We got up around 5:30am to get ready to go.  Our meeting was scheduled for 11am and was only about 2 1/2 hours away, but it’s summer in WI and that means construction.  Right by my town, there is no direction that you can go where you don’t hit it and I was worried it would be the same way trying to get there.  Luckily it wasn’t.  We left the house about 6:30am and got there by 9:30.  Since we had extra time, we found the DMV there and J took care of some stuff he had to do there.  We got to the library we were meeting at about 15 minutes early.  Let me tell you, for about the last hour before the meeting, I seriously thought I was going to throw up.  I was so nervous and was rubbing peppermint oil on my tummy like crazy hoping it would calm the butterflies down!  Just after 11am, they arrived and we went into the meeting room.  We talked for almost 2 hours.  We told her our story, she told us hers.  There were tears on both sides.  Guys, this woman is amazing.  Like, seriously.  She is definitely not the stereotype people think of when they think about a Mom giving her baby up for adoption.  And there were so many little coincidences.  Her name is my middle name.  Her son and J have the same birthday.  She loves basketball and played for 12 years and basketball is J’s first love.  She’s really into toxin and chemical free as much as possible just like I am and loved that I use essential oils and make my own soap and stuff.  We thanked her for giving us this opportunity to meet with her, for considering us for this huge gift she will be giving.  We told her we think she’s brave and courageous and a hero in our eyes.  She told us that she really likes us and that we’re perfect.  Our Faith was a huge thing for her and the reason why she connected with our letter so much.  She very adamantly wants her child to grow up knowing God and Jesus and that there’s something much bigger out there than what’s happening in this earthly life.  We love that and totally agree.  You could tell that she has thought about this a lot and from all angles and is really trying to put her emotions to the side to do what’s healthiest for all of them, herself, her son and the baby.  In short, it was amazing!

So, we left the meeting with her caseworker saying that they were going to discuss hospital plan more and she would be in touch early next week.  At that point, we weren’t really sure what was going to happen.  It seemed like we were moving forward, but it wasn’t said point blank.  After we left, we quickly got a text from the caseworker saying that it was nice to meet us and that BM felt really at ease with us and she would be in touch.  Shortly after that, we got an email from our caseworker saying that she had her from BM’s and that the meeting had gone really well and that she was happy for us and to enjoy the next month of getting know BM.  So that made it seem like everything was indeed moving forward.  It kind of sucked because we weren’t sure if we should be jumping up and down screaming or just being cautiously optimistic.

I sent  our caseworker and email this morning with a couple of questions and told her that we felt that it was moving forward after yesterday but that we weren’t sure and was wondering if/when we should/can start getting ready for baby because she’s due in just over a month!  She emailed back and said from the sounds of it we are all the same page of moving forward and we could at least start buying the necessities but maybe hold off on the big/fun things.  So, I would like to formally announce that it seems like we will indeed be bringing home a Baby Girl next month!!!!  I hope I didn’t just jinx it and obviously, this is adoption, until we go to court at least 30 days after she’s born, could be longer and BM signs her rights away, she or BD can change their minds at anytime.  I’m trying not to let that fear take hold right now though.

In other news (because you know, that’s not enough), my BR surgery is now going to be on June 23rd so exactly 2 weeks from today!!!  It was originally supposed to be July 11th, but baby girl is due July 15th so then I got it moved up to June 27th, well, when I called to confirm it, apparently something had come up and I could do it that day and it got pushed back to July 21st.  This morning I got a call from the nurse saying she had good news and someone had cancelled and I could get in on the 23rd now.  As long as baby R doesn’t come more than a week early, I should have plenty of healing time before she arrives.  🙂

Please, please, please continue to keep us in your prayers that this adoption goes through without a hitch and that I recover from surgery quickly with no complications.

There is so, so much to get done around the house in the next couple weeks and of course, after, but J’s going to have to take over after I have the surgery.  I’m sure he’ll be thrilled about that! 😉

Lots of Love~Dawn

Give it to me….

Your must haves for a newborn that is!

If our match meeting goes well and and everything goes smoothly from here on out, this is going to be happening quickly and we don’t have a lot of time to get ready which means I don’t have a lot of time to do research.

We have a crib and doing day care, I already have a swing, bouncy seat, etc.  But what else am I going to need ladies, especially for a newborn?  I don’t usually get them until they’re a couple months old and I’m not bathing them or doing around the clock care.  Also a good carrier that would work for 5’1 me and 6’J?  I know y’all will have some fantastic suggestions.

Oh, and suggestions for infant carseat also, please!  We will definitely need to get 2 bases.

Ready, Set, Go!!!!

Guilt and Gratitude

Mom guilt…it’s very real even when your child is not on this earth with you.  Sunday, August 23rd was our due date and the day came and went without me even remembering what day it was.  In fact, I had a fantastic day that day and when I realized it yesterday, I cried.  I can’t believe that I didn’t remember what day it was.  I should have done something in remembrance of our baby.

Despite feeling guilt right now, I’m also feeling immense gratitude.  A friend of mine messaged me this morning asking me to call him when I had 30 seconds.  This man is one of the sweetest, kindest men I know and is constantly doing good in our hometown community.  Each Fall, he does a Packer board to raise money for Alzheimer’s because his father had it.  Today, he asked if he could do a Packer board for us instead this year.  Tears of gratitude sprang forth.  He put this status up a little bit ago and the response has been wonderful:

Around this time every year, I run a Packer board to raise money for the Alzheimer’s Association, and because of my amazing friends over the last few years we have raised over $8000 for the cause. Don’t know why, but dad and the topic of Alzheimer’s has been on my mind a lot lately. I was thinking about what it is I was going to do this year when I read a post from a friend of mine, Dawn . Dawn and her husband J, have tried everything in their power, including tremendously expensive procedures, to have a family of their own, and it just hasn’t worked for them. Honestly, I know J only from what I read and see on Facebook, but I have known Dawn for years, and I know that, if any 2 people are prepared and deserving to shower the love of a family on a child, it is them.
I am the youngest of 10 kids and I love my parents eternally, and wouldn’t trade being raised by them for anything in this world…all children deserve the opportunity for that kind of love. I know family was important to my dad, and he would support this 100%…and would do whatever he could to help….that is why I am foregoing the Alzheimer’s board this year and directing it toward this cause.
I think J & Dawn deserve the opportunity to show their unending love to a child…and at this point they are faced with a bill of $8500 to continue in the adoption process. I am hoping you will support this years fundraiser, which will benefit not only J & Dawn, but that unknown child that is so deserving of their love.
I am in the process of acquiring prizes for a Packer board that will raise $2500 for this family and will let you know when the $25 squares go on sale. If you know anyone that would like to donate a prize or be part of this, please let me know…MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!!

God truly does answer prayers in the most spectacular ways!

Lots of Love~Dawn