IUI #5 is NOT a Go :(

$300 worth of follistim in my fridge that is open because we had to use a whole 25 iu’s of it last cycle.  $300 worth of follistim that I don’t get to use for IUI #5 because it will go bad by then.  Cysts on both ovaries this month so they didn’t want to do the cycle.  $300 worth of follistim that even though I probably shouldn’t…I AM going to use unmonitored.  I CANNOT throw $300 out the window right now.

Has anyone else ever done anything like this?  (Please make me feel better by saying yes, lol.)

I think it can only do good, not be harmful.  If I would have insisted, they would have let me cycle but they didn’t recommend it.  Oils were immediately applied to ovaries to hopefully help them shrink instead of getting bigger and bursting.  I really don’t want to go through that pain.  Hoping my Sister has clove oil that I can get from her so I can do the oral option too and not just topical.  If anyone wants that protocol it is:  rub orange, then frankincense and the basil on your lower abdomen.  It smells really good til you put the basil on, lol.  For some reason, I just do not love the smell of the basil oil.

In all honesty, Ladies, I was a hot mess yesterday.  I was such a hot mess, that I couldn’t even sit down to write this post.  Cycles get cancelled all the time, I get that.  It had more to do with the stress of money and throwing out that medicine then having to sit out a month.  On top of that, I didn’t see my usual Dr., I saw the one that comes from Madison to do the IVF cycles.  I’d never met her before and although she was nice enough, she wasn’t Dr. R  or even Megan or Jamie who usually do my IUI’s.  She didn’t really know my story so it was just hard to take that news from her.

She also said that she doesn’t see many follicles in (or on, not sure the right word for it) my ovaries.  Just by looking at the ultrasounds she doesn’t think our chances with IVF are very good, maybe 35%.  She had me go to the lab for a blood draw so they could test my AMH and she wants us to come in for an IVF consult week after next (more about that later).  Now, we were leaning more towards adoption then IVF anyways, but Girls, I was devastated….DEVASTATED!!!!   To feel like that option was just ripped away from us in case we did find the money to do it just tore me apart.  I bawled all the way home and in J’s arms for quite a while after I got home.  And on the phone with my Mom after J left to go to some benefit thing.

J doesn’t want to go to the IVF consult…he doesn’t want to go to any Dr. this month because he says I just get stressed out and he just wants to take the month off.  What he doesn’t seem to grasp is that just because we’re taking the month off from IUI’s and dr.’s, doesn’t mean I’m not going to stress (I REALLY SUCK at giving my worries over to God).

So where does this leave us?  I don’t totally know.  I’ll finish up the follistim because I can’t stand to waste it.  Do OPK’s and TI and Pray, Pray, Pray!  Hopefully the cysts will go away peacefully and gently without pain and we will be ready to do IUI#5 next cycle.  I don’t know how many more J will let me do.  Again, he’s totally freaking out about money and credit card debt.  I can’t really blame him though, it is a little scary.  If we’re not pregnant by the end of the year, we will put our names in to hopefully start the adoption process in January.

I need to Thank you Ladies for all the comments and Love you send my way.  They mean so, so, so much to me.  Although most of my friends and family are very supportive, no one, not even J, can understand the way you Girls can.  Sending much Love, thoughts, Prayers, Baby Dust and Hugs to you all!!!!

The Importance of Timing

Ladies…I am so frustrated right now!  As we all know, timing is everything with infertility.  Well, I triggered on Monday and had my IUI on Wednesday and guess what?  Yep, I am almost positive that I just finally started ovulating about 2am this morning.  Which, if you look at a normal cycle for me before the follistim…I was guessing our IUI would have been yesterday or today.  I can tell you it would have been a hell of a lot more convenient if it had been today and apparently, my body doesn’t care if it gets a trigger shot, it’s going to ovulate when it wants to.  It is now 7:30am central time and I am feeling it in my right side quite a bit and after a night of not nearly enough sleep, I am up and have already put a call into the nurses line to see if there is someway to check and see if I’m correct.  

These things are way too much money (especially on straight injectables) to have the timing off.  Feeling ready to cry (although that could be a combination of lack of sleep and frustration with J and his newly single pal for keeping me up with the loud music coming up from the basement).

Update:  The nurse finally called back a bit ago.  She said that it is very unlikely that I did not ovulate within the 36-40 hours after the shot and that maybe I’m feeling a smaller one that ovulated on its own.  She also said that sperm lived up to 72 hours so there should still be some left but I thought that was only with unwashed sperm.  I thought I’ve read that washed sperm do not last nearly as long but maybe I’m wrong.  Anyone else know?  I guess I just need to have faith right now and not doubt His plan.

On Hold

Good news….I get to put the IVF vs. Adoption decision on hold, at least for awhile.  I went to the clinic on Tuesday for a general ultrasound.  I also met the Dr. for the first time (I’ve always had a N.P or P.A. til now).  I really like her, although, I really like everyone I’ve worked with at the new clinic.  After looking at the pics from my ultrasound, she believes I have stage 2 or 3 endometriosis.  It amazes me that they are the first to suggest this when I’ve been having some of the symptoms since I was 15 or 16 years old!  I’m 37 now, that’s a lot of years!

Anyways, surgery is scheduled for June 6th.  Dr. Ryan believes that our chances of getting pregnant will go up about 30% after the surgery, she did not say whether this is naturally or through IUI but she did say that she doesn’t think we even need to contemplate IVF for at least 6 months.  I am on bcp until the surgery and then we can try on our own the cycle immediately following surgery.  We will also be on vacation then so maybe that will be helpful.  She said they will also dilate my cervix more than it needs to be so that should help with the cervical stenosis problem the month we try on our own and that just leaves the cervical fluid problem.  Hopefully, preseed will help with that.  She also said that if/when we do the next IUI, we will just use follistim.  She believes that the pills are really messing with my lining because they block estrogen and follistim will not do that.

I know most people do not look forward to surgery, but I am.  I wish schedules would allow me to get in sooner.  I am so happy to have some kind of answer on why the IUI’s haven’t been working.  I know this doesn’t guarantee that we will get pregnant naturally or with an IUI, but it gives me more hope that an IUI will work eventually.  Praying that I never have to make that IVF/Adoption decision.  We would still love to adopt one day, it’s something we planned on doing before we knew were infertile, but then we could do it on our own timeline.